I'm a woman with a very healthy sexual appetite. Always have. I think, that's probably the reason I lost my virginity pretty quick. Sexuality is always an interesting subject for me to talk and to write about, and it comes more naturally to me than talking about religion or politics. To give you some insight on what i mean... sex>politics>religion.
I've also, always dated men with pretty sexual appetites themselves. I've never been permiscuous, but always exclusive. Mr. III had me wait for him for a few months, which caused some self-esteem issues in me, that I realized I had to fix before we could really be happy together. Well, now that I don't feel like self-esteem is attached to sex, I still feel aroused. I'm a girl that, in a perfect world, would have sex on a daily basis. But, I'm the man in this relationship in this aspect. He does not have as huge of an appetite for it as I do. I've heard it only gets worse after marriage, and that scares me shitless!!
The only reason I meantion this, is because he's been hinting at proposal.
Which has me thinking: The guy? Or a sex life? I can't cheat on him... that's just not right. I'd rather masterbate furriously with a showerhead every night to get my jollies off than have intercourse with another man, however, with impending proposal in place, and more seriousness aquiring, what can I do? I mean, I love him so very much, but I think our relationship would have a lot less stress if he would just have SEX with me. Its never that he can't get it up, its just that he doesn't want to. I've tried to be a bit more kinkier, and try different things... but he won't budge. And It's getting to the point where its taking a toll on me. I mean, this is the part of our relationship we should be consumating like bunnies and praying to God we don't get preggers.
I think it has to do with the fact that he's a bit overweight. We both are. So, because of his self-image issues, he's not wanting to do it. Which would make sense. Cheating is out of the question. We don't spend enough time apart. And as well, the only reason he would need to cheat is if I wasn't fulfilling his needs... and consitering he's not fulfilling mine instead, he's pretty safe.
I'm not going to break up with him... but it'll take time and effort and patience to lose weight, which... I want him to do... for himself, not for me. He's not very patient, and gets frustrated easily. The rejection sucks... and its starting to take a toll on my self esteem again, and two, I hate not being intimate with him...
Does anyone have any advice for me?
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This one is a tough one. And though i pace to try to find a thing to say that will make since, i end up coming to the same conclusion every single time.
ReplyDeleteIf you guys have already started talking about marriage, then you really do have to have a sit down with him and talk to him. He knows the way that you are, so there will be little need to expand on that, but you've got to get him to open up and come forward on why sex isn't as important or as readily sought after.
It could be several reasons and until you get to that core reason, this will only continue or get worse.
I hope this helps. Like i said though, talking is the only way.
I agree with mary... it was what ultimately tanked my marriage... ex-hub just couldn't/wouldn't talk about why he didn't want to have sex with me...
ReplyDeleteGood Luck!!