Dating: Taking a break

I know that most people say they're gonna take a break from dating, and then they get asked on a date and they're all the sudden like "OH EM GEE YES!!!" and I'm not saying I won't do that... But I'm not going to pursue dating people for the time being.

Storm Trooper, one of my wise best friends, has been telling me that when it comes, it comes. It'll be like a best friend entering your life. You won't NOT want to hang out with them. It'll become natural calling them, talking with them and spending time with them. It will feel like they've just entered my life as if they've been there the entire time. I agree with her on this, but its hard waiting on this person to come into your life. But, in due time, they'll come along.

I hung out with Skinny today. He's a great buddy. We went to a movie with his family, and because of his younger cousin, we went to see Ice Age 3. I think its funny, I talked with his Dad for a few minutes and his Dad was like "Come by any time!!!" and his Mom said the same thing. After we went to the movie, we ran a few errands to feed the little one, and then went to his house and watched another movie. When he took me home, we stopped outside to a cul-de-sac we call the "shit pit". He smoked a cig, and I smoked a clove. We lied on his car and talked for a few minutes. He's an entertaining guy. One thing we talked about was a "personal" deal, that I don't really want to type up on the blog, but I agreed to go with him to do some personal business to make him feel better about his body. As well, he's brought up once before if he could kiss me. Skinny is dating one of my little friends (aka, younger than me). She's adorable, but has a LOT of growing up to do. I feel VERY compelled to not kiss him, but I almost want to do it because I feel like if I do it, he'll realize that, though I'm attractive to him and a great buddy, it could be nothing more. But then again, she's my friend, and I'd feel like such a jerk to kiss him, and her to find out somehow. How could I explain to a 15 year old girl that I kissed her boyfriend to get him to understand that there would be nothing going on between us?

Anyway, I told him "maybe" the last time, and when he asked tonight, I told him "eventually". I think I'll end up telling him its against the "Girl's Code".

My favorite Co-worker left today. I cried when I got home. She's an amazing person, and she's the first straight chick I've let to get close to me. When she left today, I gave her a hug, and she told me "this won't be the last time you see me," and that really touched me. I'm going to miss her. I have to say, I admire her, she's a strong and confident woman. Its gonna be hard knowing I won't be able to go to work and close with her anymore. We sang the song "Closing Time" last night when we closed, and it got to the point where the lyrics went "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end," and I thought, you know, I am really excited for her new chapter in life, but I hope she'll continue to appear in the next chapters of my life.

When I dated my ex for those three years, he never really let me have any friends that weren't his own. Or, better to put it this way, I never let MYSELF have any friends other than his. And, right now, I've got some REALLY GREAT friends. Friends I've never had before. I want to keep my friends... and right now I'm scared that if I popped into a relationship right now I'd be too weak to keep them. I'm such a flaky person. I've lost so many friends due to my flaky-ness. And, I regret it so much. There are friendships that I wish would have lasted longer, but I was a terrible friend. But you live and you learn.