Late Night Thoughts...

I'm up late tonight and can't really sleep, so I'm publishing my current thoughts on my life at the moment.

Its like the song "I can feel it coming in the air tonight" except it isn't about how horrible a person is, its about how I can just feel it. I feel this presence of someone that is going to pop into my life soon that is going to alter the way I think, and its frustrating sitting in this limbo going, "when are you going to strut your way into my life?"

I think I'm a catch. I am slightly narcissistic, I won't lie, but at the same time in order to have confidence you almost have to be slightly narcissistic. Plus, I'm at a point in my life where its not such a bad thing. I care about other people, and I do try to do what's best for more than just myself, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather be happy then you. I went down the road where I gutted all my feelings in order to spare someone Else's with my ex, and it just brought me down a road I didn't really want to be on, in a car that was about to break down. Oh, and on top of that, cricket mobile doesn't have any signal there. Bummer.

He was always at burger king trying to get it his way, but I'm not a king. Hell, I'm not even the queen. I wanted it MY way. I bent on a lot of things for him, and I really tried to make it work. But there's two sides to a relationship. There's two sets of feelings that are being pushed and pulled. One person can't give up the majority of their life to appease the other, while the other walks all over the person they say they "love".

I can just feel this bone-crushing love just whisking me off my feet, and I feel like its going to be soon, but I don't want to wait for it. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, who knows. All I know, is that I don't think its CHB and I don't think it's Skinny's BFF. (BTW, I think if Skinny's BFF would give me a chance, he'd really like me. But men are complicated, and I tend to be attracted to the ones who are looking for little nerdy anime like girls, and I'm a laid back loud mouthed princess.)

I met Youngun's GF today, and I really like her. She has three horses, which automatically registers awesome in my book. I think we'll plan a girl's night out sometime when the boy's have their boy's night out... and I'm not invited. For the most part, I'm just as much of a dude as any of them, so they include me in on the boy's nights.

Which brings me to another problem. I thought guys would like a chick that can keep up with them. I thought guys would be looking for not just a lover, but a buddy. And, the more and more I look into it, the more and more I realize that, it might not be the case. I guess they want a girl they can have to show off, but won't want to keep up with the guys. I don't know anymore. It's all just really complicated.

Life. Is. Hard. To. Figure. Out.

And It's hard to feel comfortable in your own shoes when you're made to wear high heels.