Kitty loving

Maybe someone could explain to me how older women can have sex without freaking out afterward.

I went and saw CHB the other night, and I enjoy his company, but realize that he's nothing special that I want to keep in my life permanently. Though he's fun to kiss and hug and cuddle with, I don't think we could ever have a deep intimate relationship.

And, it had me thinking, though I'm not really sexually pent up or anything, could I go "all the way" with this guy?

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I think I could, but I don't really want to. I feel like the dude of the relationship (if you could call it a "relationship"). Like I would end up shoving him aside once someone bigger and better came around, and breaking his poor little heart.

I mean, I don't need a boyfriend. I have my kitty when I need to snuggle and I've got my boys for when I feel social. Though, I would like a little intimacy. Some kissing, some cuddling, and maybe something more. I feel like its too much to ask.

And I guess it'll come when the time's right, and I shouldn't rush into anything just in case I regret it... but I feel like I'm wasting my time. Everyone at work, my family, and my boys all have someone to love. When is it my turn again?

That's the reason I went back to my ex. I was tired of being alone. I was tired of feeling lonely. I was tired of not being happy. So, I went back to him to feed my addiction for love. I found out it wasn't what I expected.

Truthfully, I don't need a relationship. I don't need sex. I don't need kissing, and my kitty is a good enough cuddle to enjoy. So I guess I just talked myself out of it...

Good thing...