Am I going crazy?

Mr. III went to bed nearly four hours ago, what am I still doing up? 

When I try to go to sleep, I hear voices and footsteps, and puppy whimpers.  I walk to listen to see if it's Lady in the other room, but it never is.  Its like there's a TV on in a room that I don't know about.  I think its the next door neighbors.  But, I'm not sure.  Its finally stopped, nearly one in the morning, but I still can't sleep. 

If this continues in the new apartment, then I'm getting checked out by a psychiatrist.

I've done a lot of crying today.  Mr. III and I both.  He's beating himself up about things from the past.  As some of my followers know from me posting about it earlier this year, I had an abortion for a number of reasons.  I think it's just sinking into Mr. III of what happened, and the hard decision and how it's effected me.  He voiced his opinion, and he regrets it now.  He told me tonight he should have kept his mouth shut and let me make the decision on my own.  I don't understand why he's blaming himself for it.  It's not in any way his fault. Well... it is partially... but that's the pregnancy.  I chose to abort, it was my decision.  Its not his to bear.  I don't hate him for it.  I love him unconditionally.  There are a few things that if he did to me we wouldn't be together anymore, but I'd still love him.  In a way, I still love a few of my ex's.  I don't blame him for it, and it hurt to see him hurt to see me hurt if you know what I mean.  Because, though this is fucked up I know, I got the puppy for the sole purpose to make me feel more secure in my decision (that I can't go back on).  Having to let her go, feels like after depression of the abortion.  It makes me realize how much I do love this scrawny little fluff ball of teeth and cuteness.  I cried for (no joke, seriously) hours after realizing I'd have to give her up.  Larry doesn't want us to have to get rid of her; I think its mostly to appease me.  (Side note and kind of cute, I told him you have to make sacrifices when you're older, and this may be one of them.  I couldn't be selfish.  And he looked up at me and said "but hunny, you're the least selfish person I know". That's my awe moment of the day) The girl we're moving in with wants us to keep Lady.  I desperately want to. 

We have some options though.  I have some good friends that are interested in taking her in if things go sour.  We will find out tomorrow at one.  Cross your fingers, I'll blog tomorrow night. Or, technically tonight. Its one in the morning.

Goodnight.  I think I'll try to pass out again for the fifth time.

(Wow.  Thought I typed a marathon, and realized it was a sprint. Ha, I must be tired)