I've written on this blog for almost a year now. Adulthood has hit me like a freight train. My mom has officially kicked me out of the nest completely, saying "Okay, pay all your bills, keep your nose clean, and make sure you don't fuck up!"
I was considering giving up Lady, and then I decided I loved her too much. Now I have no choice. I have to give her up. I feel like I'm going to cry all day long. She's my puppy. She was supposed to be subjected to all of the love that the would-have-been baby would have gotten. The place that we are leasing won't allow pets under 12 months. All the places that we've looked at living won't let us have pets under 12 months. She's like... 9 months away from that. All I know, is I don't want a dog for a really long time after this. I don't want a horse. I don't want a cat. I don't want anything. I don't want to deal with the death of said animals. I don't want to have to deal with having to give them up because I can't afford it. I don't want to have to deal with all of this pain. I love animals, but I best just stay in the appreciating animals spectre. I'm tired of hurting.
I'm going to try to have her with me. I'm going to try soo hard to convince them that I should be able to have her. But, I'm not holding my breath. I'll have her until the end of the month, and then she'll be loved by another family. One that won't get rid of her. They WILL give her back if they don't want her anymore. They will.
I'm squaring away all of my debt with my first paycheck, and then I'm closing all accounts of credit that I have. I don't want to deal with credit right now.
I don't want to deal with anything right now.
I'm so depressed.
Mr. III... he doesn't seem all that affected about having to get rid of her. He wants the place too bad. He'd rather the place over her. That's what it feels like. I'm sure its not that. I'm sure I'm just saying this out of hurt. I just wonder if he cares. He cares because I'm hurt, but does he care that we have to give her up? I don't know. He doesn't talk.
*sigh*
I have 4 followers. A year, and only 4. And that's okay. So, I'm just reaching out, saying, is anyone out there? How do you become an Adult? How do you deal with debt? How do you make it to each paycheck? How do you save money? How do you live?
How?
Adulthood is scary.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I have read your blog for a while now and just now subscribed. I believe that you need the support right now. I am here, a faithful reader. Debt can swarm and drown you and there is not much you can do except cut your life down further and further. I would say you need to rid your life of all this negative thought and focus on the positive. Becoming an adult will come with time and patience. You do not just wake up and say, "Hey world, I am mature and complete."
ReplyDeletePaycheck to paycheck is tougher, but not unobtainable. I would say you need a better paying job at a stable location. Saving comes with routine and hard work. Life comes and goes swiftly into and out of reach. Find things that make you happy and try to find a way to cut back the cost. Dinner with friends once a week is a terrific idea, but find a location with a special or discount day.
As for the dog, all you have to do is claim she is older than she is. If they want to check, just tell them she was a rescue and did not have all her papers, but was at the kennel more than 8 months. Lying is only bad if it hurts anyone or inconveniences them.
Well, kiddo... you've read my blog and should realize that even approaching 40 I still don't have it all figured out. You just do the best you can with what you have at the time. Period.
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I can offer (and that John has already stated) is to look for the good things in life... if you focus on the negative you will drown in it. This I know from first-hand experience!!
Good luck!!