FML

Skinny's best friend sucks.

It was nice while it lasted, but I don't see it going anywhere. So, I'm cutting it off. Not that I couldn't date him, but he doesn't want to date me. Its just apparent. So I'll probably start blogging again.

In College. I love it.

Cracker and I would like to say hello

I've got Skinny's bird, Cracker, and he's on my shoulder as I'm typing. He's a pretty chill bird. He keeps pecking at the back of my neck and I swear... goosebumps...

Anyway, I've been doing well. My boy's are going to come home tomorrow and I'm really excited. My mom is really pissed because she found out that I've been spending my money rather than saving it... but the Rich Dad Poor Dad people say you shouldn't be saving (wtf?) rather, you should be spending.

Truthfully, I've never really had money before. I've always been trying to purchase a horse or something of the sort, and its like now that I can spend the money on myself, I'm being chewed out about it.

I understand about saving. It makes a lot of sense. I just don't like to. I like the finer things in life. I like having a couple of bucks to allow me to feel good about myself. But it's just not possible.

*sigh* this is the last bit of money that I'm gonna have to spend... and I'm spending it on someone other than myself.

Bummer.

Car Trouble Blues...

My car is BACK in the shop AGAIN for MORE repairs. I feel naked without it. Oh well.

Skinny's best friend told them that he doesn't know if he likes me or not, which to me is an answer within itself. I don't know what to think about it. But, like most guys that end up refusing to date me, later on he'll regret it.

I dunno, even if he doesn't, I don't care. I feel like I'm wasting my prime away by not having someone to cuddle with.

CHB and I were supposed to hang out today, but since I have no car, I had to flake. I told him I was flaking, however. He hasn't texted me back.

As of work, work's fine... just a whole lot of nothing.

And Sweet Pea, I would totally go for your offer on a new or used car if I lived around that area. I'm sick of mine already....

Day 2: slowly feeling better

I've had a few people talk to me about boys lately. Mainly, I'm starting to feel that spark with someone, and I don't know if he feels the same spark back.

I got accepted into A&M Corpus, so I don't know if I'll be here for much longer than six months. I've been single since I think March, and its not a big deal, but I still want to enjoy someone closely.

I don't want to rush into anything. I want to wait it out and enjoy my single life as long as possible. However, you do end up missing that close cuddlyness that you get with a person you like a lot.

I guess it's just time to wait everything out. Enjoy every moment you have with people, and thank them for their gifts as they give them to you, even the ones that aren't possessions.

I've learned a lot with Skinny's best friend. Like, that I deserve a boy that doesn't pressure me for sex. I deserve a guy that respects me. Most of all, I deserve more than the guys I've dated lately. I really thank him for teaching me that.

Shadow, my kitty, is adorable. And I love him to death. He's trying to cuddle with me now. I guess I'll oblige :).

Day one: Seperation anxiety

All of my boys are gone. They're all taking a vacation that I was invited on, but unlike them, I have a job, and thus couldn't go. Sad day.

We have this stupid customer appreciation weekend, and plus, one of my co-workers is getting married. On top of all of that, the frosting, if you will, is they didn't give me ANY time to ask off. None. ziltch. So I'm stuck all alone in this stupid town.

And its just like, why can't I just get some friends that are exactly like them to hang out with for the week?

I hate being left behind.

Junky for your love <333

Oh. Em. Gee.

That's the only thing that's running through my head right now. I can't sleep. I can't do anything, but just enjoy this... gosh... this high that I haven't ever really felt... ever.

Skinny's best friend. He's... Amazing. Skinny, his best friend and I went to I-hop (they woke me up around 1:30 and was like "HEY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED") and had a midnight snack, and ended up hanging out until just now, of which I'm sitting in my bed with just, this crazy feeling buzzing my brain.

Its not love... yet... but its a serious like.

We talked and talked, and we went outside for a cig (and myself a clove) and I ended up holding hands with him... and before we had to leave, he left me with one simple sweet kiss.

Oh, it's more than I could ask for.

And we were sitting around talking to this guy who was 50 and telling us about how he lost his leg and his foot, and how they told him he had an hour to live (four years ago) and we laughed and enjoyed his company. He mentioned he wished they made women like me when he was our age, and we just simply laughed. At the end of the night, before we left, he said "Treat her right, or I will" which made me laugh... but all I can think right now is "Oh. My. Goodness."

Most guys seriously try to get in my pants the first date. CHB was like that. The ex was.. well.. not necessarily like that but soon after we started "dating" he was pressuring me for it. I don't think he's that type of guy. He's sweet, and gentle, and he's so so very shy.

Though, the only worry I have with it is that his best friend is my best friend, and I don't want to lose my friendships over a relationship. I guess if we decide to cross that barrier, we'll take it slow. My brother and his wife did that, and they ended up marrying... which I'm not even THINKING about that, but... still...

I feel so alive, and so tired. I better get to bed...

<3333

Kitty loving

Maybe someone could explain to me how older women can have sex without freaking out afterward.

I went and saw CHB the other night, and I enjoy his company, but realize that he's nothing special that I want to keep in my life permanently. Though he's fun to kiss and hug and cuddle with, I don't think we could ever have a deep intimate relationship.

And, it had me thinking, though I'm not really sexually pent up or anything, could I go "all the way" with this guy?

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I think I could, but I don't really want to. I feel like the dude of the relationship (if you could call it a "relationship"). Like I would end up shoving him aside once someone bigger and better came around, and breaking his poor little heart.

I mean, I don't need a boyfriend. I have my kitty when I need to snuggle and I've got my boys for when I feel social. Though, I would like a little intimacy. Some kissing, some cuddling, and maybe something more. I feel like its too much to ask.

And I guess it'll come when the time's right, and I shouldn't rush into anything just in case I regret it... but I feel like I'm wasting my time. Everyone at work, my family, and my boys all have someone to love. When is it my turn again?

That's the reason I went back to my ex. I was tired of being alone. I was tired of feeling lonely. I was tired of not being happy. So, I went back to him to feed my addiction for love. I found out it wasn't what I expected.

Truthfully, I don't need a relationship. I don't need sex. I don't need kissing, and my kitty is a good enough cuddle to enjoy. So I guess I just talked myself out of it...

Good thing...