Its been a while

It's been a while since I've typed on this... and I needed an outlet to let go of some of the stuff I've been thinking lately.

Mr. Three and I are doing okay. He had a road bump this week, and at the moment we're together in his 5th wheel. Its not bad here, but I convinced him to get school housing so that I can live in my dorm. I'm not ready to actually live with him for a while, though I don't have the heart to tell him.

Things have been going okay with us. I have seem to lost some of the spark that I used to have with him. Its not his fault, and I love him to death, but I need some time to reflect, and I can't do it with him around. He always wants to know what I'm writing down or what I'm doing, and the only reason I'm able to type on my blog right now, is cuz he's asleep.

Jimi's one year of passing is coming up, Febuary 16th. I'm stressed. I'm anxious. It seems so long ago he was with me. I miss him to death. And to make matters worse, I seem to be longing for something... something else. I don't know, its complicated.

My 19th birthday has come and passed, so though this blog is named 18 and single, it turns out i'm 19 and taken. well, you can't always name your blog what you're really gonna be forever.

Anyway, more on Jimi. I sent an email to the guys who had put Jimi down, Austin Equine. I appreciate them more than anything for letting me say goodbye to my horse, and I wanted them to know. After typing the letter, I got a response from the guy who actually put him down, and he described him as a "stoic gentleman" which perfectly described him. I miss him so much. I miss horses so much. I miss the ranch, I miss the girls, and I wish I could go back to that time in my life, but I know its over.

I'm going to college... I'm gonna be a vet. I'm really excited about this, but at the same time I'm worried that I won't be good enough, or that I won't make it. Mr. Three is worried that we'll break up due to his little screw up, but I don't know... It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure if I'm making promises I can't keep, or if this is just be pulling away. I'm probably just scared of this- he wants to make things more perminent. Its a nice thought, that I was so excited about when we first started dating, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more I know that I'm not ready for it.


He's sleeping next to me, but for some reason, I feel alone.

Maybe I'm just soon to be on my rag.

Maybe...

Hopefully.