To all those who have served, I wanted to dedicate this day's blog to you. I appreciate your service to the nine. Thank you for protecting our freedom; thank you for risking your life so that I can sit on my couch with my Australian Shepherd and fiance and not have to worry about some other country breaking down my door and stealing my stuff, or even killing us. Thank you for protecting our rights (what little rights we have left...) and for being all that you can be so that children can play in the streets knowing overall, they're safe. Its because of men and women like you that we have such a carefree life. This one is for you guys.
I wanted to post this for the billionth time. I have it on another blog I have for my short stories. It was a poem I wrote to my brother when he was in basic. I'd love for you to read and remember those who have faught in wars for us, and even your love ones that may be overseas or have been overseas. Enjoy.
To: Mattex
When we were little,
I wanted to be you.
It didn't matter what you said or did,
I needed to be you.
When I was crying,
Because the kids at school were mean,
You were my gallant warrior.
I longed to be you.
Then the next day, you went on hating me again,
I'd continue my normal idolatry.
You were my best friend,
Through the moments we fought for peace,
with our parents,
with each other.
You were more than the arguments,
You were more than our father,
That never graced us with his presence,
After the allure of women took him away.
You were there to lead me,
Like he was supposed to,
And I desired to be you.
Your life brought you down this hard path,
And I could only stand back and watch,
And try to do what you'd do for me.
Though now I wonder,
If you ever think of me as much as I think of you.
I never saw you leave,
Didn't see your face looking brave,
If you gave it away in your eyes,
The fear that bubbles within.
So when they told me your voice quivered over the phone,
My heart broke, because I knew it would,
As you stepped on that plane all alone,
I knew not the thoughts that ran through your head,
Or if tears brimmed under your eyelids.
But I'd imagine,
That through it all,
You would still show your southern charm.
I write this in hope,
That you'll keep your chin up,
So that when you come home, I can look up to more then just my brother,
But my American Soldier.
I'm so very proud of you.
Mr. III is an artist and is thinking about illustrating a childrens book with this poem. I'm changing some of the words, the ones talking about my dad in particular, and we're thinking about doing it soon. So, I'll keep you guys updated.
Happy Memorial Day!!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Lady, Oh Lady...
I sought advice from a professional about her whining, and he said to try for a few days having her play for 2 hours. Of course, I'm hoping he doesn't mean all together, because she's a puppy, I don't think she'd fare well doing that. But, earlier today, I took her out for a half an hour in his hot and humid Texas heat, and now she's munching on a bone. I'll take her out again three more times for 30 minutes each, and see what happens. Hopefully, her whining thing will have diminished after doing this a few days. She seems as happy as a clam now, chewing on her bone. We will see.
I'd have to think of a routine for when I'm working, and school. I guess it depends on how school will be. I think I may be able to swing a day like this for her. I'll wake up, let her out and play for 30 minutes, take a shower, go to school. Come home, play with her for another half hour, then get ready for work. Mr. III will play with her while I'm at work for 30 minutes. I'll get home, have another 30 minute play, then time for us to wind down and go to sleep. When she's about 6 months to a year, I'll think of making them a bit longer, 45 minutes for two, and one for 30. When she's older, like a year, we'll be back in summer, and we'll gradually get her to walk for 2 hours a night, and Mr. III and I would take walks. I haven't told Mr. III about this plan, but we'll see how it does. I'll post more pictures of her soon.
I'd have to think of a routine for when I'm working, and school. I guess it depends on how school will be. I think I may be able to swing a day like this for her. I'll wake up, let her out and play for 30 minutes, take a shower, go to school. Come home, play with her for another half hour, then get ready for work. Mr. III will play with her while I'm at work for 30 minutes. I'll get home, have another 30 minute play, then time for us to wind down and go to sleep. When she's about 6 months to a year, I'll think of making them a bit longer, 45 minutes for two, and one for 30. When she's older, like a year, we'll be back in summer, and we'll gradually get her to walk for 2 hours a night, and Mr. III and I would take walks. I haven't told Mr. III about this plan, but we'll see how it does. I'll post more pictures of her soon.
Stress, Stress, and more Stress
This is the part of my life I'd like to call "So Hard, if I was Suicidal I'd be thinking about Suicide".
Mr. III and I had a tough morning yesterday. We finally got out and about, and after finding out I got my job, we finally found our spark again. Usually, our first kiss of the day starts out with a "good morning" no matter what time of day it is. It was around 3, and finally we said "Good morning". He said "yeah, we've had a rough start to this day".
(WARNING: VERY GROSS MATERIAL COMING UP. Skip over if you are squeamish, don't like talk of sex, grossness, or anything with bodily fluids. I'll warn you when we're back in the normal stuff.)
Then, when we got home, I had a total FML moment. (To give reference, FML... its a website. Means "Fuck my life") So, we're in the kitchen with Puppy Butt in the living room playing around. Well, he started playfully pushing me up against the wall, and things got a bit heated. So, we were bad parents, and left our poochie downstairs to have a romp in the bedroom (FINALLY is all I have to say.) It was good. Very good. And much needed. So afterward, I'm lying on top of him, and because I've just got over a cold, I was coughing. We used protection, but still, juices fell out of my womanly parts onto him. We laughed it off, but then, I noticed a hair in the back of my throat. I started gagging! I stood up and ran to the bathroom, only to spew all over the bathroom. Mr. III was like "hey! did you throw up?!" I was like "DON'T COME IN HERE!" I cleaned it all up, then washed my mouth out. Then, we went downstairs to take care of Puppy Butt.
No more gross stuff, I promise.
Today, I was stressing because all of this money that I have to spend in the next few months, and how the hell am I going to be able to get it all established without having gotten a steady paycheck. How am I going to save for all this crap that's coming up? We have a pet deposit, a normal deposit, first months rent, etc. So, as I stressed, Mr. III fixed it all by asking his Grandfather to help me as well as him. I just about cried I was so relieved. His grandfather will pay for us both for the first two months, at least rent wise. That will give me some money to put aside, and so I'll have the pet deposit and my normal share of the normal deposit.
He's a good man, and sometimes I wish the sex thing wouldn't get me so riled up and angry. I don't understand why it does. Why are our carnal instincts so important in a relationship? I read somewhere, or saw it on Oprah or something of a lady who had sex with her husband every night, and they were saying what a great relationship they had because of it. My parents split up when I was young, and later while I was talking with my Dad, he was telling me how my mom used to "hold out" on him for punishment, which is what lead him to go to the things he did right before the divorce (porn, strip clubs, etc). Now-a-days I don't see the problem in them, but then since I was young and impressionable by my mom, I hated him for it. I think as long as you have an open-to-talk relationship, everything will be okay. Mr. III and I talk about everything, clean, dirty, gross, anything. Because of that, I think we'll last. I just think that I would be so much happier if I didn't have a higher libido than him. Sometimes I think I should just go to the doctor and talk to him about it, but then I think he should more than I. A healthy relationship consists of lots of sex, and once you introduce it you can't take it back. Plus, when I'm stressed, I'd rather have some play time with my fiance than anything else.
Anyway, things are getting okay... but I still have to get everything fixed up and ready before we get out of here. We move into the new place in July.
Puppy Update: she whines all the time. She should be happy; she gets fed, let out, treats, lots of play time, and plenty of love. We don't know whats up. Next vet visit, I'm asking.
Mr. III and I had a tough morning yesterday. We finally got out and about, and after finding out I got my job, we finally found our spark again. Usually, our first kiss of the day starts out with a "good morning" no matter what time of day it is. It was around 3, and finally we said "Good morning". He said "yeah, we've had a rough start to this day".
(WARNING: VERY GROSS MATERIAL COMING UP. Skip over if you are squeamish, don't like talk of sex, grossness, or anything with bodily fluids. I'll warn you when we're back in the normal stuff.)
Then, when we got home, I had a total FML moment. (To give reference, FML... its a website. Means "Fuck my life") So, we're in the kitchen with Puppy Butt in the living room playing around. Well, he started playfully pushing me up against the wall, and things got a bit heated. So, we were bad parents, and left our poochie downstairs to have a romp in the bedroom (FINALLY is all I have to say.) It was good. Very good. And much needed. So afterward, I'm lying on top of him, and because I've just got over a cold, I was coughing. We used protection, but still, juices fell out of my womanly parts onto him. We laughed it off, but then, I noticed a hair in the back of my throat. I started gagging! I stood up and ran to the bathroom, only to spew all over the bathroom. Mr. III was like "hey! did you throw up?!" I was like "DON'T COME IN HERE!" I cleaned it all up, then washed my mouth out. Then, we went downstairs to take care of Puppy Butt.
No more gross stuff, I promise.
Today, I was stressing because all of this money that I have to spend in the next few months, and how the hell am I going to be able to get it all established without having gotten a steady paycheck. How am I going to save for all this crap that's coming up? We have a pet deposit, a normal deposit, first months rent, etc. So, as I stressed, Mr. III fixed it all by asking his Grandfather to help me as well as him. I just about cried I was so relieved. His grandfather will pay for us both for the first two months, at least rent wise. That will give me some money to put aside, and so I'll have the pet deposit and my normal share of the normal deposit.
He's a good man, and sometimes I wish the sex thing wouldn't get me so riled up and angry. I don't understand why it does. Why are our carnal instincts so important in a relationship? I read somewhere, or saw it on Oprah or something of a lady who had sex with her husband every night, and they were saying what a great relationship they had because of it. My parents split up when I was young, and later while I was talking with my Dad, he was telling me how my mom used to "hold out" on him for punishment, which is what lead him to go to the things he did right before the divorce (porn, strip clubs, etc). Now-a-days I don't see the problem in them, but then since I was young and impressionable by my mom, I hated him for it. I think as long as you have an open-to-talk relationship, everything will be okay. Mr. III and I talk about everything, clean, dirty, gross, anything. Because of that, I think we'll last. I just think that I would be so much happier if I didn't have a higher libido than him. Sometimes I think I should just go to the doctor and talk to him about it, but then I think he should more than I. A healthy relationship consists of lots of sex, and once you introduce it you can't take it back. Plus, when I'm stressed, I'd rather have some play time with my fiance than anything else.
Anyway, things are getting okay... but I still have to get everything fixed up and ready before we get out of here. We move into the new place in July.
Puppy Update: she whines all the time. She should be happy; she gets fed, let out, treats, lots of play time, and plenty of love. We don't know whats up. Next vet visit, I'm asking.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Frustrated!
I just want to scream, shout, and cuss. I can't take it anymore and I hate the fact that I can't. Its obnoxious how much I have to pull teeth to get him to touch me. Its obnoxious that when I ask about it, he just stays quiet like he doesn't have an answer for me. Its OBNOXIOUS that I'm wasting away in my prime one of the best guys I've ever dated, but he won't touch me!!! My life right now is really stressful, and sometimes I think a good de-stresser is to have a little alone time with my man, is that so much to ask? But every night is the same thing. We go upstairs, we get in bed, he turns over, and I writhe and want to have a tantrum in bed because... well... bed life is non-existent.
TOUCH ME!
I can't take it anymore! I feel like, if a decently gorgeous man walked by me while I was outside and was like "hey, lets do it" I'd highly consider it. I mean, if this lasts any longer, I don't know what I'll do. I can't keep going on like this.
And now, every night before bed, I think about taking the other room, and just sleeping in there. I did that when we first got together, and he wouldn't sleep with me after months. I told him that I couldn't sleep next to him because I was just so frustrated, and wanted to be intimate with him and show him how much I loved him. It finally happened, but I feel I'm back to square one. I don't want to sleep next to him. I think if I do I'll just want to scream and kick and shout. So I have two choices, the room with the dog, or the couch. The couch is actually quite comfortable. I'm thinking of sleeping here. Try to wake him up a bit.
I'm also reconsidering living with him for the next 12 months. I'm thinking about crumbling under my mother's desires and getting my own little economy room, or finding a roommate on my own. I don't know.
I just don't know.
TOUCH ME!
I can't take it anymore! I feel like, if a decently gorgeous man walked by me while I was outside and was like "hey, lets do it" I'd highly consider it. I mean, if this lasts any longer, I don't know what I'll do. I can't keep going on like this.
And now, every night before bed, I think about taking the other room, and just sleeping in there. I did that when we first got together, and he wouldn't sleep with me after months. I told him that I couldn't sleep next to him because I was just so frustrated, and wanted to be intimate with him and show him how much I loved him. It finally happened, but I feel I'm back to square one. I don't want to sleep next to him. I think if I do I'll just want to scream and kick and shout. So I have two choices, the room with the dog, or the couch. The couch is actually quite comfortable. I'm thinking of sleeping here. Try to wake him up a bit.
I'm also reconsidering living with him for the next 12 months. I'm thinking about crumbling under my mother's desires and getting my own little economy room, or finding a roommate on my own. I don't know.
I just don't know.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Am I going crazy?
Mr. III went to bed nearly four hours ago, what am I still doing up?
When I try to go to sleep, I hear voices and footsteps, and puppy whimpers. I walk to listen to see if it's Lady in the other room, but it never is. Its like there's a TV on in a room that I don't know about. I think its the next door neighbors. But, I'm not sure. Its finally stopped, nearly one in the morning, but I still can't sleep.
If this continues in the new apartment, then I'm getting checked out by a psychiatrist.
I've done a lot of crying today. Mr. III and I both. He's beating himself up about things from the past. As some of my followers know from me posting about it earlier this year, I had an abortion for a number of reasons. I think it's just sinking into Mr. III of what happened, and the hard decision and how it's effected me. He voiced his opinion, and he regrets it now. He told me tonight he should have kept his mouth shut and let me make the decision on my own. I don't understand why he's blaming himself for it. It's not in any way his fault. Well... it is partially... but that's the pregnancy. I chose to abort, it was my decision. Its not his to bear. I don't hate him for it. I love him unconditionally. There are a few things that if he did to me we wouldn't be together anymore, but I'd still love him. In a way, I still love a few of my ex's. I don't blame him for it, and it hurt to see him hurt to see me hurt if you know what I mean. Because, though this is fucked up I know, I got the puppy for the sole purpose to make me feel more secure in my decision (that I can't go back on). Having to let her go, feels like after depression of the abortion. It makes me realize how much I do love this scrawny little fluff ball of teeth and cuteness. I cried for (no joke, seriously) hours after realizing I'd have to give her up. Larry doesn't want us to have to get rid of her; I think its mostly to appease me. (Side note and kind of cute, I told him you have to make sacrifices when you're older, and this may be one of them. I couldn't be selfish. And he looked up at me and said "but hunny, you're the least selfish person I know". That's my awe moment of the day) The girl we're moving in with wants us to keep Lady. I desperately want to.
We have some options though. I have some good friends that are interested in taking her in if things go sour. We will find out tomorrow at one. Cross your fingers, I'll blog tomorrow night. Or, technically tonight. Its one in the morning.
Goodnight. I think I'll try to pass out again for the fifth time.
(Wow. Thought I typed a marathon, and realized it was a sprint. Ha, I must be tired)
When I try to go to sleep, I hear voices and footsteps, and puppy whimpers. I walk to listen to see if it's Lady in the other room, but it never is. Its like there's a TV on in a room that I don't know about. I think its the next door neighbors. But, I'm not sure. Its finally stopped, nearly one in the morning, but I still can't sleep.
If this continues in the new apartment, then I'm getting checked out by a psychiatrist.
I've done a lot of crying today. Mr. III and I both. He's beating himself up about things from the past. As some of my followers know from me posting about it earlier this year, I had an abortion for a number of reasons. I think it's just sinking into Mr. III of what happened, and the hard decision and how it's effected me. He voiced his opinion, and he regrets it now. He told me tonight he should have kept his mouth shut and let me make the decision on my own. I don't understand why he's blaming himself for it. It's not in any way his fault. Well... it is partially... but that's the pregnancy. I chose to abort, it was my decision. Its not his to bear. I don't hate him for it. I love him unconditionally. There are a few things that if he did to me we wouldn't be together anymore, but I'd still love him. In a way, I still love a few of my ex's. I don't blame him for it, and it hurt to see him hurt to see me hurt if you know what I mean. Because, though this is fucked up I know, I got the puppy for the sole purpose to make me feel more secure in my decision (that I can't go back on). Having to let her go, feels like after depression of the abortion. It makes me realize how much I do love this scrawny little fluff ball of teeth and cuteness. I cried for (no joke, seriously) hours after realizing I'd have to give her up. Larry doesn't want us to have to get rid of her; I think its mostly to appease me. (Side note and kind of cute, I told him you have to make sacrifices when you're older, and this may be one of them. I couldn't be selfish. And he looked up at me and said "but hunny, you're the least selfish person I know". That's my awe moment of the day) The girl we're moving in with wants us to keep Lady. I desperately want to.
We have some options though. I have some good friends that are interested in taking her in if things go sour. We will find out tomorrow at one. Cross your fingers, I'll blog tomorrow night. Or, technically tonight. Its one in the morning.
Goodnight. I think I'll try to pass out again for the fifth time.
(Wow. Thought I typed a marathon, and realized it was a sprint. Ha, I must be tired)
Hello? Anyone out there?
I've written on this blog for almost a year now. Adulthood has hit me like a freight train. My mom has officially kicked me out of the nest completely, saying "Okay, pay all your bills, keep your nose clean, and make sure you don't fuck up!"
I was considering giving up Lady, and then I decided I loved her too much. Now I have no choice. I have to give her up. I feel like I'm going to cry all day long. She's my puppy. She was supposed to be subjected to all of the love that the would-have-been baby would have gotten. The place that we are leasing won't allow pets under 12 months. All the places that we've looked at living won't let us have pets under 12 months. She's like... 9 months away from that. All I know, is I don't want a dog for a really long time after this. I don't want a horse. I don't want a cat. I don't want anything. I don't want to deal with the death of said animals. I don't want to have to deal with having to give them up because I can't afford it. I don't want to have to deal with all of this pain. I love animals, but I best just stay in the appreciating animals spectre. I'm tired of hurting.
I'm going to try to have her with me. I'm going to try soo hard to convince them that I should be able to have her. But, I'm not holding my breath. I'll have her until the end of the month, and then she'll be loved by another family. One that won't get rid of her. They WILL give her back if they don't want her anymore. They will.
I'm squaring away all of my debt with my first paycheck, and then I'm closing all accounts of credit that I have. I don't want to deal with credit right now.
I don't want to deal with anything right now.
I'm so depressed.
Mr. III... he doesn't seem all that affected about having to get rid of her. He wants the place too bad. He'd rather the place over her. That's what it feels like. I'm sure its not that. I'm sure I'm just saying this out of hurt. I just wonder if he cares. He cares because I'm hurt, but does he care that we have to give her up? I don't know. He doesn't talk.
*sigh*
I have 4 followers. A year, and only 4. And that's okay. So, I'm just reaching out, saying, is anyone out there? How do you become an Adult? How do you deal with debt? How do you make it to each paycheck? How do you save money? How do you live?
How?
Adulthood is scary.
I was considering giving up Lady, and then I decided I loved her too much. Now I have no choice. I have to give her up. I feel like I'm going to cry all day long. She's my puppy. She was supposed to be subjected to all of the love that the would-have-been baby would have gotten. The place that we are leasing won't allow pets under 12 months. All the places that we've looked at living won't let us have pets under 12 months. She's like... 9 months away from that. All I know, is I don't want a dog for a really long time after this. I don't want a horse. I don't want a cat. I don't want anything. I don't want to deal with the death of said animals. I don't want to have to deal with having to give them up because I can't afford it. I don't want to have to deal with all of this pain. I love animals, but I best just stay in the appreciating animals spectre. I'm tired of hurting.
I'm going to try to have her with me. I'm going to try soo hard to convince them that I should be able to have her. But, I'm not holding my breath. I'll have her until the end of the month, and then she'll be loved by another family. One that won't get rid of her. They WILL give her back if they don't want her anymore. They will.
I'm squaring away all of my debt with my first paycheck, and then I'm closing all accounts of credit that I have. I don't want to deal with credit right now.
I don't want to deal with anything right now.
I'm so depressed.
Mr. III... he doesn't seem all that affected about having to get rid of her. He wants the place too bad. He'd rather the place over her. That's what it feels like. I'm sure its not that. I'm sure I'm just saying this out of hurt. I just wonder if he cares. He cares because I'm hurt, but does he care that we have to give her up? I don't know. He doesn't talk.
*sigh*
I have 4 followers. A year, and only 4. And that's okay. So, I'm just reaching out, saying, is anyone out there? How do you become an Adult? How do you deal with debt? How do you make it to each paycheck? How do you save money? How do you live?
How?
Adulthood is scary.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Puppy Nipping Help
I liked the way that this website explains how to take care of puppies when they Nip. I'll explore the website some more later. Puppy Nipping Help
Also, I made a page!!! It's the "People of the Blog" Page, should be up there below the header, and above this post. Check it out! Tell me what you think.
Also, I made a page!!! It's the "People of the Blog" Page, should be up there below the header, and above this post. Check it out! Tell me what you think.
Puppy Woes Update
Mr. III and I have decided that it is in her best interest to stay with us. We're going to train her up and see how things go from there. He reassured me that she's in the best of hands with us, and that we'll take good care of her. I've personally decided that, if she shows any signs of depression, we'll look for a new home for her. Overall, I think she'll be happy with us.
I was planning on job hunting today, but Mr. III won't get out of bed, and I think that we'll do it tomorrow. We have to do it tomorrow. The goal is to have a job set in play by the end of the week. I'm going to go to ACC in the fall, and if things with ACC don't pan out the way I'd hope, and perhaps even if it does, I'm looking into online classes so that I can work a full time job while going to school. Maybe it'll be better for me in the long run? Who knows. I'm going to talk with my mom about it when I get the chance.
Once Mr. III wakes up, I'm going to suggest we go to visit some friends. We've been cooped up in our temporary home for way too long. We need to get out a bit.
Anyway, enjoy the picture.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Puppy Woes
How could you say no to that face? I love this pooch. I do. She's nearly what I wanted in a dog. However, with life the way it is, with the job hunt, and eventual job holdings, perhaps I purchased her in haste. Now, its not that I regret it, but I feel like those mom's on 16 and pregnant. I love my puppy, but I don't know if having her now is the best option.
So I'm considering placing her in a better home. Somewhere with a back yard of awesomeness, somewhere where the people will love and appreciate her like I do, but give her the support she needs.
However, I feel like if I end up giving her up, then my family will look at me the same way they always do when I get a new pet. "Well there Elise goes again, rushing into things before thinking, and putting another animal in jeopardy." I thought this one through, but I guess not well enough. Now, I feel very put out. I feel like if I place her in a new home, I'll never be able to get another pet again. Ever. And I think that's what It'll be like. I'll keep Shadow until he passes, and then that's it. No more animals. Ever. I don't know if that will include horses, but it probably will. I'll just feel guilty. I'll feel like I couldn't really own an animal and love it like it should be. I always feel inadequate when it comes to animals. I guess, they're something I should appreciate, but never really get into again.
What do you think? Give me the full truth, put it all on the line. Truthfully. Please, give me what you think.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Witnessed a Car Accident
Yesterday was a LONG day for Mr. III and I. We moved back home from Brenham, and I had my last final. We had left the night previous, because we had too much stuff for one trip, and came back in the morning. That's when it happened.
A trucker was on the right lane of a two-lane road, stalled out for whatever reason. An older lady, around 70 from what Mr. III told me, ended up driving into the back of it. Mr. III and I pulled over in front of the truck, and went to help. I grabbed the phone of the Trucker to call 911.
The car was tucked up underneath the carriage of the 18 wheeler, her face nearly to the back bumper. The car was completely totalled. While I was on the phone with the emergency crew, Mr. III talked with her, and told me what she said. She was bleeding from her hands, and I told the emergency crew she was conscious and talking. A mail carrier guy pulled over to help with wet wipes and a first aid kit, and told me she was stuck in the car, the dash was in her lap. Another man pulling a trailer pulled over and directed traffic. The only words I really heard from the trucker were "My cones are dead..." and "are you done with the phone?" while I was on the phone with 911. I was thoroughly unimpressed. The EMS, firefighters, and sheriffs came, and I handed the phone to the trucker. The sheriffs asked me with a few questions, and got my info, then let us leave for my final.
I think about her. She was all I could think about yesterday. Is she okay? Did they get her out? How is her family? I prayed for her peace.
I made sure I said God Bless to all those involved, feeling like it was as if I were saying it to those who had helped me in my car accident, and I feel like it gave me peace in some ways. I was able to give back to help someone, paying it forward for someone helping me.
I wish I could have talked to her, but was too busy on the phone with EMS. I was kind of scared to talk to her, as well. Would I look at myself, in some sick way? I didn't want to bring my car accident into the mix of things, so I kept my mouth shut and tried to help as much as possible.
So, I did my final, got the rest of our stuff, unpacked it, and drove the vehicle back to his Dad's house, then went home to rest. Since Brenham is two hours away from Austin, his dad was 45 minutes away from the place we're staying, and another 45 minutes from where we dropped off our stuff to his fathers house, you could see how it was a long day.
I totally got sick. Cold from HELL!
So, those who follow me, if you read this, answer this question: Have you ever had an experience that left you peaceful, because you "paid it forward"? Please share.
A trucker was on the right lane of a two-lane road, stalled out for whatever reason. An older lady, around 70 from what Mr. III told me, ended up driving into the back of it. Mr. III and I pulled over in front of the truck, and went to help. I grabbed the phone of the Trucker to call 911.
The car was tucked up underneath the carriage of the 18 wheeler, her face nearly to the back bumper. The car was completely totalled. While I was on the phone with the emergency crew, Mr. III talked with her, and told me what she said. She was bleeding from her hands, and I told the emergency crew she was conscious and talking. A mail carrier guy pulled over to help with wet wipes and a first aid kit, and told me she was stuck in the car, the dash was in her lap. Another man pulling a trailer pulled over and directed traffic. The only words I really heard from the trucker were "My cones are dead..." and "are you done with the phone?" while I was on the phone with 911. I was thoroughly unimpressed. The EMS, firefighters, and sheriffs came, and I handed the phone to the trucker. The sheriffs asked me with a few questions, and got my info, then let us leave for my final.
I think about her. She was all I could think about yesterday. Is she okay? Did they get her out? How is her family? I prayed for her peace.
I made sure I said God Bless to all those involved, feeling like it was as if I were saying it to those who had helped me in my car accident, and I feel like it gave me peace in some ways. I was able to give back to help someone, paying it forward for someone helping me.
I wish I could have talked to her, but was too busy on the phone with EMS. I was kind of scared to talk to her, as well. Would I look at myself, in some sick way? I didn't want to bring my car accident into the mix of things, so I kept my mouth shut and tried to help as much as possible.
So, I did my final, got the rest of our stuff, unpacked it, and drove the vehicle back to his Dad's house, then went home to rest. Since Brenham is two hours away from Austin, his dad was 45 minutes away from the place we're staying, and another 45 minutes from where we dropped off our stuff to his fathers house, you could see how it was a long day.
I totally got sick. Cold from HELL!
So, those who follow me, if you read this, answer this question: Have you ever had an experience that left you peaceful, because you "paid it forward"? Please share.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Its friday, and already crazy
What an eventful day.
Mr. III and I went to pick up his car this morning, a long with getting little Lady into the vet for her first rounds of shots. I am really impressed with Love Pet Hospital of Austin. They distracted her with awesome treats, and she didn't even notice the shots. She liked the dewormer, and all around it was a great experience for her.
We relaxed with Skinny and his brother, Probie, and then later we joined his family for his cousin's initiation into Color Guard. I'm really proud of her. His Aunt, the closest thing that Mr. III has to a mother, asked if Mr. III was coming by to see his boy-cousin, we'll call him Anime. He said yes, and she said "I hope you bring Elise with you" which was something that impressed and excited him. She's a rather private woman, she doesn't like people at her house. For her to want me over was awesome.
Well, Mr. III and I went to pick up Lady, who was being watched by Skinny and Probie, and on our way to his Aunts house, his car broke down.
Oh, my, Goodness. It was so irritating. His car was JUST fixed, but it now is sitting there dead on the side of the road next to his Aunts house. Poor Lady was exhausted when we got her back, so I put her to bed as soon as possible.
What a tiring day.
Mr. III and I went to pick up his car this morning, a long with getting little Lady into the vet for her first rounds of shots. I am really impressed with Love Pet Hospital of Austin. They distracted her with awesome treats, and she didn't even notice the shots. She liked the dewormer, and all around it was a great experience for her.
We relaxed with Skinny and his brother, Probie, and then later we joined his family for his cousin's initiation into Color Guard. I'm really proud of her. His Aunt, the closest thing that Mr. III has to a mother, asked if Mr. III was coming by to see his boy-cousin, we'll call him Anime. He said yes, and she said "I hope you bring Elise with you" which was something that impressed and excited him. She's a rather private woman, she doesn't like people at her house. For her to want me over was awesome.
Well, Mr. III and I went to pick up Lady, who was being watched by Skinny and Probie, and on our way to his Aunts house, his car broke down.
Oh, my, Goodness. It was so irritating. His car was JUST fixed, but it now is sitting there dead on the side of the road next to his Aunts house. Poor Lady was exhausted when we got her back, so I put her to bed as soon as possible.
What a tiring day.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Last Few Days of School
Tomorrow, I have three finals (perhaps, its really unknown). Next week, I have two. Then summer is here!!!
After that, I would have liked to start on my novel, but I have to find a job, write this thing for this Stellar Scholars thing (which I'm having a hard time with, and I don't really want to, but whatevs), and sign up for fall classes. After that, perhaps I can get some awesomeness settled with my novel.
I'm looking into finding an illustrator for my storybook that I'm planning. Hopefully, Mr. III will do it. If not, I won't be hurt, I'll just try my hand at it.
I get to see my puppy tomorrow hopefully.
After that, I would have liked to start on my novel, but I have to find a job, write this thing for this Stellar Scholars thing (which I'm having a hard time with, and I don't really want to, but whatevs), and sign up for fall classes. After that, perhaps I can get some awesomeness settled with my novel.
I'm looking into finding an illustrator for my storybook that I'm planning. Hopefully, Mr. III will do it. If not, I won't be hurt, I'll just try my hand at it.
I get to see my puppy tomorrow hopefully.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I wish I may I wish I might...
I really wish that I could look into the future for one thing: To find out what I'm going to be, so I can go and get ready for it. I mean, c'mon... I can't handle being indecisive. SPCA agent? Perhaps? I dunno, I don't know. Veterinarian? Probably not. Writer? Won't make much money. Jeweler? Oh... shoot me if I end up being a jeweler. Responsible breeder? No. I refuse. Maybe on the side, but never for a living.
ARG! I saw a saying once that "Expecting a teenager to know what they want to do for the rest of their life is like expecting a child to run before they crawl." But still... I need my motivation! I need to know what I'm going to do!
I took a personality test that says i'm an extrovert, intuitive, feeling, judgemental person. If my personality went to an extreme, I would be OCD. They say I'd do best in management. That doesn't help!!! I hate managers, and I'd loathe being one.
Ah! I am not victorious.
ARG! I saw a saying once that "Expecting a teenager to know what they want to do for the rest of their life is like expecting a child to run before they crawl." But still... I need my motivation! I need to know what I'm going to do!
I took a personality test that says i'm an extrovert, intuitive, feeling, judgemental person. If my personality went to an extreme, I would be OCD. They say I'd do best in management. That doesn't help!!! I hate managers, and I'd loathe being one.
Ah! I am not victorious.
Check this out
I'm starting a blog of my short stories and poems. I posted two that I've written in the last year. Check them out. AT Short Stories
Monday, May 3, 2010
Questioning/Goals
I'm not sure that I want to be a vet anymore.
I went in for a job interview at Austin Carriage, which I enjoyed thoroughly. But, I'm not sure if I want the job or not. I don't get weekends off, and I'll be working in the evenings most days. It seems to have a bunch of responsibility as well, if anything happens to the carriage or the horse, it's automatically your fault, no exceptions. As well, you don't get paid until you are finished with training and get your driving record on file, along with a hair follicle test, and a certain licensing by the city.
First off, most of my driving record will probably consist of speeding tickets I've gotten, which aren't many. I think I've had all of two tickets in the duration of me driving. I have a warning, but I'm not sure if that would show up. If it also has accidents, I only have two, and one of them was minor, my mirror broke off and their tail light was broken. The other accident was major, and the other person's fault, and I wasn't ticketed.
Secondly, the hair follicle test bothers me. I feel like it doesn't give the people who have done drugs, but have sucessfully quit a chance to get through society.
Last, the licensing I don't think would be a huge ordeal. But, still, it could take some time to get, which would be irritating.
So, ideally, you can get it all done in about 2 weeks, as long as you're working hard to get your training finished, and getting your driving record in. But, is it worth it? Should I even attempt it? It does sound like a fun job, but I don't know if it's the right job for me. Even if I decide not to, I'll email her and let her know, just in case one day I'd like to take it up, she'll consider it.
Another thing that worries me, is the whole I won't get a weekend off ever. That, and I'll work from 5 to midnight, every night, pretty much. So, Mr. III and I wouldn't see each other that often. If he had a job that was during the evening, that wouldn't be a problem, but he wants to get a dentistry job as a dental lab technician, which is fine and dandy but I'll probably be leaving for work when he gets home, thus we will never really see each other.
As well, I'm thinking: Is veterinary really for me? The more and more I talk to people about it, the more I hear that veterinarians get callous and numb to animals, and most veterinarians as well, don't care much for the animals, and make mistakes often that cost the animals' lives. If I went into Large Animal Veterinary, I wouldn't get paid for what I was worth, even if I was the best veterinarian out there. They do have a government scholarship for those going into veterinary school to be a large animal vet, which would be nice, but still. I'm not expecting to get rich, that's not my intention, but I would like to be paid what I was worth. That, and I love animals, and most people are telling me that I should just leave it as a hobby.
*sigh* it feels like every job title that isn't a lawyer, doctor, nurse, engineer, or some mix in between all of them, should be left as "a hobby".
So then, what am I to do? What should I do with my life? How will I contribute to the small short lifespan that I have in the blink of existence we call the human race? What will be my contribution to the world?
I'm not satisfied with being just a hum-drum person that, when I die, I get an obituary, my family mourns, but otherwise, no one has, or will ever hear of me. But, I'm no actress. I'm no singer. I'm a writer, I'm a horseback rider. I'm an animal lover. I try to be a friend. I try to be reliable, I try to be dependable. I try to be a good person. I plan on being a good mother. I plan on being a good mentor. I plan on being smart. But, what should I do, so that I'll be able to make it, and do what it takes to make my work so influential and motivational, that people are moved.
What do I do?
There are two things that I would love to do, if it was a good field to go into.
1. Horses. I would love to breed/show horses. However, I know right now I don't know enough, nor do I have the money to properly have horse-babies. I could probably tell which horse should be bred and not, I know genetics decently enough to where I could prevent genetic defects and breed the right type of horse. However, I know I don't have the experience to properly take care of a foal, or a mare in foal. I also know, I am not properly trained to drive a trailer, just in case anything happens. I also know I am not good enough to be a "show rider". This, I know. This, I accept. I would love to learn how, but I don't have the resources to do it, and truthfully, I don't think breeding and selling horses should be some one's only job. They should have a job to supplement their horse practice, so that if anything were to happen, like ending up with HyPP N/H mares, you would be able to have the proper funds to purchase a horse without HyPP. You know what I mean?
Side note. I was reading this story on a website on HyPP because I did a report on it for biology, and this lady who was a breeder was explaining her for-instance on HyPP. She said she would continue to breed her HyPP N/H mares because she "didn't have enough money to purchase a mare that doesn't have HyPP, but once she gets a filly out of one of these mares that is HyPP N/N, she'll retire one of her mares". I felt that was wrong on her part. I don't want to end up like that.
The second thing I would like to do, is I would like to write. Writing has always been a passion of mine, I've always enjoyed doing it. But, I don't like journalism. I actually, hate journalism. With a passion. I used to be a part of my Yearbook in High School, and I loved it, but I don't think I could do it for a living.
Thus, I have no idea what in the heck I'm going to do with myself.
As well, I had a dispute with a friend of mine this weekend. I can't have my puppy up in college, so I'm having a friend look over her for the time being. Well, she's dating a kid that I've known, but had a falling out with because of her. Anyway, I was going to pay her for her troubles, and take her out Friday, but Friday I ended up having that interview/training to see if I wanted the job. I thought the interview would just be at most an hour, but it ended up lasting until midnight. She didn't tell me that she needed the money to take her boyfriend out for dinner, she had just texted me asking when we could get together. Unable to text her and let her know Friday night, I worried, but ended up coming home with a headache and a backache and was unable to think straight enough to even think about how to sit down, let alone call her. Saturday, due to mothers day obligations, I completely spaced in calling her. Sunday, when we texted her apologizing, she told us she wanted her money for that week, but we would have to make other arrangements for the next week. I flipped out wondering what in the hell I needed to do to keep the puppy safe, and in a good position for the next week. I had just about decided to take her with us when she pulled up and talked to Mr. III. Mr. III had me talk with her, and we made amends. I know I was in the wrong. I am completely aware of this. But I didn't like how she took it. I didn't like the way she treated me. When she first began helping me with the dog, she was talking about spending all the money I was going to give her on the puppy (which we told her no, she should spend it on herself). She gave me the impression as well, that she was doing this night out with her boyfriend the next week, so I thought I had time to get her the money. But, as I said, I know I'm in the wrong. I tried to own up to it, and she just flipped out. Apparently, her boyfriend said "I expected Elise to do that" which bothered me, because I don't recall ever really doing this before while being friends with these people. I mean, hell, sometimes shit happens. It wasn't like I wasn't going to pay her. But, I expected her to be a friend, not a landlord. *sigh* Lesson learned: Never ever EVER have money matters between your friends and yourself. If you pay them for something, pay them in advance. Never accept handouts from friends. Just keep money out of it.
Lack of communication. Fucking sucks. Friendships... uhg.
So, I'm a bit weary of her. Her relationship is none of my business, but I feel like it brought a rivet in the middle of our relationship, because he hasn't "forgiven" us for hanging out with her when "He told Mr. III not to talk to her or hang out with her" (I really don't think he told Mr. III, he was grouping Mr. III in with all the guys who wanted to have sex with his girlfriend, not thinking of him as a friend who just wanted his girlfriend to hang out with another chick that she gets along with in the same vicinity of him) And she stepped out of bounds hanging out with the people he told her not to. It was something between them, and I tried to help, and ended up getting bit in the hand. As this whole deal goes on, and he bitches her out about it, she told me she didn't want to get back with him. I know girls at this age don't think through things, and its completely her decision, but it's made hanging out with her very difficult, and has made keeping her as a friend near impossible. She's not allowed to be around any of my friends, where it used to be the both of them would hang out with us on a regular basis. Oh well... I find that we'll attempt to be friends, but it'll be too difficult and we'll end up going our separate ways. I doubt she'll care if the end up breaking up on resurrecting our relationship.
I want to write out my goals, short term and long, for the next few months/years.
Short Term:
1. I'd like to clean myself up. I tend to be a bit of a mess... like my room and stuff. I'd like to become neater.
2. I'd like to get a job that will let me work full time.
3. I'd like to look for a therapist, and begin working on myself. I want to start figuring out what I need to do to get more organized, and reliable. I don't want to be caught in another mess up like what happened this weekend.
4. I want to start reading on and developing study skills.
Long Term:
1. Next semester, Make a 3.5 or better.
2. Encourage Mr. III to obtain his dreams.
3. Get Married.
4. Be Stable.
5. Figure out what I want to be, and attack it with full force in school.
Off for now. Laterz.
I went in for a job interview at Austin Carriage, which I enjoyed thoroughly. But, I'm not sure if I want the job or not. I don't get weekends off, and I'll be working in the evenings most days. It seems to have a bunch of responsibility as well, if anything happens to the carriage or the horse, it's automatically your fault, no exceptions. As well, you don't get paid until you are finished with training and get your driving record on file, along with a hair follicle test, and a certain licensing by the city.
First off, most of my driving record will probably consist of speeding tickets I've gotten, which aren't many. I think I've had all of two tickets in the duration of me driving. I have a warning, but I'm not sure if that would show up. If it also has accidents, I only have two, and one of them was minor, my mirror broke off and their tail light was broken. The other accident was major, and the other person's fault, and I wasn't ticketed.
Secondly, the hair follicle test bothers me. I feel like it doesn't give the people who have done drugs, but have sucessfully quit a chance to get through society.
Last, the licensing I don't think would be a huge ordeal. But, still, it could take some time to get, which would be irritating.
So, ideally, you can get it all done in about 2 weeks, as long as you're working hard to get your training finished, and getting your driving record in. But, is it worth it? Should I even attempt it? It does sound like a fun job, but I don't know if it's the right job for me. Even if I decide not to, I'll email her and let her know, just in case one day I'd like to take it up, she'll consider it.
Another thing that worries me, is the whole I won't get a weekend off ever. That, and I'll work from 5 to midnight, every night, pretty much. So, Mr. III and I wouldn't see each other that often. If he had a job that was during the evening, that wouldn't be a problem, but he wants to get a dentistry job as a dental lab technician, which is fine and dandy but I'll probably be leaving for work when he gets home, thus we will never really see each other.
As well, I'm thinking: Is veterinary really for me? The more and more I talk to people about it, the more I hear that veterinarians get callous and numb to animals, and most veterinarians as well, don't care much for the animals, and make mistakes often that cost the animals' lives. If I went into Large Animal Veterinary, I wouldn't get paid for what I was worth, even if I was the best veterinarian out there. They do have a government scholarship for those going into veterinary school to be a large animal vet, which would be nice, but still. I'm not expecting to get rich, that's not my intention, but I would like to be paid what I was worth. That, and I love animals, and most people are telling me that I should just leave it as a hobby.
*sigh* it feels like every job title that isn't a lawyer, doctor, nurse, engineer, or some mix in between all of them, should be left as "a hobby".
So then, what am I to do? What should I do with my life? How will I contribute to the small short lifespan that I have in the blink of existence we call the human race? What will be my contribution to the world?
I'm not satisfied with being just a hum-drum person that, when I die, I get an obituary, my family mourns, but otherwise, no one has, or will ever hear of me. But, I'm no actress. I'm no singer. I'm a writer, I'm a horseback rider. I'm an animal lover. I try to be a friend. I try to be reliable, I try to be dependable. I try to be a good person. I plan on being a good mother. I plan on being a good mentor. I plan on being smart. But, what should I do, so that I'll be able to make it, and do what it takes to make my work so influential and motivational, that people are moved.
What do I do?
There are two things that I would love to do, if it was a good field to go into.
1. Horses. I would love to breed/show horses. However, I know right now I don't know enough, nor do I have the money to properly have horse-babies. I could probably tell which horse should be bred and not, I know genetics decently enough to where I could prevent genetic defects and breed the right type of horse. However, I know I don't have the experience to properly take care of a foal, or a mare in foal. I also know, I am not properly trained to drive a trailer, just in case anything happens. I also know I am not good enough to be a "show rider". This, I know. This, I accept. I would love to learn how, but I don't have the resources to do it, and truthfully, I don't think breeding and selling horses should be some one's only job. They should have a job to supplement their horse practice, so that if anything were to happen, like ending up with HyPP N/H mares, you would be able to have the proper funds to purchase a horse without HyPP. You know what I mean?
Side note. I was reading this story on a website on HyPP because I did a report on it for biology, and this lady who was a breeder was explaining her for-instance on HyPP. She said she would continue to breed her HyPP N/H mares because she "didn't have enough money to purchase a mare that doesn't have HyPP, but once she gets a filly out of one of these mares that is HyPP N/N, she'll retire one of her mares". I felt that was wrong on her part. I don't want to end up like that.
The second thing I would like to do, is I would like to write. Writing has always been a passion of mine, I've always enjoyed doing it. But, I don't like journalism. I actually, hate journalism. With a passion. I used to be a part of my Yearbook in High School, and I loved it, but I don't think I could do it for a living.
Thus, I have no idea what in the heck I'm going to do with myself.
As well, I had a dispute with a friend of mine this weekend. I can't have my puppy up in college, so I'm having a friend look over her for the time being. Well, she's dating a kid that I've known, but had a falling out with because of her. Anyway, I was going to pay her for her troubles, and take her out Friday, but Friday I ended up having that interview/training to see if I wanted the job. I thought the interview would just be at most an hour, but it ended up lasting until midnight. She didn't tell me that she needed the money to take her boyfriend out for dinner, she had just texted me asking when we could get together. Unable to text her and let her know Friday night, I worried, but ended up coming home with a headache and a backache and was unable to think straight enough to even think about how to sit down, let alone call her. Saturday, due to mothers day obligations, I completely spaced in calling her. Sunday, when we texted her apologizing, she told us she wanted her money for that week, but we would have to make other arrangements for the next week. I flipped out wondering what in the hell I needed to do to keep the puppy safe, and in a good position for the next week. I had just about decided to take her with us when she pulled up and talked to Mr. III. Mr. III had me talk with her, and we made amends. I know I was in the wrong. I am completely aware of this. But I didn't like how she took it. I didn't like the way she treated me. When she first began helping me with the dog, she was talking about spending all the money I was going to give her on the puppy (which we told her no, she should spend it on herself). She gave me the impression as well, that she was doing this night out with her boyfriend the next week, so I thought I had time to get her the money. But, as I said, I know I'm in the wrong. I tried to own up to it, and she just flipped out. Apparently, her boyfriend said "I expected Elise to do that" which bothered me, because I don't recall ever really doing this before while being friends with these people. I mean, hell, sometimes shit happens. It wasn't like I wasn't going to pay her. But, I expected her to be a friend, not a landlord. *sigh* Lesson learned: Never ever EVER have money matters between your friends and yourself. If you pay them for something, pay them in advance. Never accept handouts from friends. Just keep money out of it.
Lack of communication. Fucking sucks. Friendships... uhg.
So, I'm a bit weary of her. Her relationship is none of my business, but I feel like it brought a rivet in the middle of our relationship, because he hasn't "forgiven" us for hanging out with her when "He told Mr. III not to talk to her or hang out with her" (I really don't think he told Mr. III, he was grouping Mr. III in with all the guys who wanted to have sex with his girlfriend, not thinking of him as a friend who just wanted his girlfriend to hang out with another chick that she gets along with in the same vicinity of him) And she stepped out of bounds hanging out with the people he told her not to. It was something between them, and I tried to help, and ended up getting bit in the hand. As this whole deal goes on, and he bitches her out about it, she told me she didn't want to get back with him. I know girls at this age don't think through things, and its completely her decision, but it's made hanging out with her very difficult, and has made keeping her as a friend near impossible. She's not allowed to be around any of my friends, where it used to be the both of them would hang out with us on a regular basis. Oh well... I find that we'll attempt to be friends, but it'll be too difficult and we'll end up going our separate ways. I doubt she'll care if the end up breaking up on resurrecting our relationship.
I want to write out my goals, short term and long, for the next few months/years.
Short Term:
1. I'd like to clean myself up. I tend to be a bit of a mess... like my room and stuff. I'd like to become neater.
2. I'd like to get a job that will let me work full time.
3. I'd like to look for a therapist, and begin working on myself. I want to start figuring out what I need to do to get more organized, and reliable. I don't want to be caught in another mess up like what happened this weekend.
4. I want to start reading on and developing study skills.
Long Term:
1. Next semester, Make a 3.5 or better.
2. Encourage Mr. III to obtain his dreams.
3. Get Married.
4. Be Stable.
5. Figure out what I want to be, and attack it with full force in school.
Off for now. Laterz.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
