I started this book by Garth Stein around 4 o'clock. It is now 8 or so, and I have to say, it was the most refreshing read that I've had. Well, I haven't read a book in a while to my dismay, but this one was a great book to break the bad habit of TV. I really needed a good cry, and this book was full of them. I recommend this book to any Dog Lover out there.
The reason I liked it so much, was it was put in the perspective of an Airedale/Lab mix that was picked up by a guy who was looking for a companion dog. It goes through the life of this amazing dog and his master, and the terrible things his master is submitted to one after the other. A weaker man would have killed himself, is all I have to say. What a rewarding book, and an amazing finish. Take a few hours out of your busy schedule, and check this book out. I strongly recommend it.
It was actually recommended to me by my Father and Step-mother, and they gave up their copy to me so I could read it. I'm home alone after working a morning shift, and Mr. III is working the evening shift and won't be off for another 10 minutes. Then, he has a 30 minute drive home, at best I believe.
Things have gotten better, way better, and I wanted to apologize to my readers for my sudden outburst resulting in possible break-up-ness. Truthfully, I was at my wits end with him and didn't know any other way of going about it. Or, at least that's what I'm thinking went wrong. I still don't know, and we're still trying to work through it.
My head hurts from crying.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
I wish you'd unclench your fists... and unpack your suitcase
This has been a hard past couple of days. But, after an explosion of emotions (and no yelling...) I think Mr. III and I have finally come through, together.
I've started packing my stuff...
We haven't clicked like we used to. And I know the reasons behind it, its because he isn't the man I fell in love with. I fell in love with a strong, sturdy, well adjusted fellow that was motivated and enthusiastic about going to college. Now, he's a weak, flimsy, pampered pooch that is lazy and wants to "get into the real world".
I leaned over his shoulder two nights ago, and saw a text from someone else to him saying "When do i get to wrap myself around my big white tiger?" He took my car today and left me his phone, and i went searching for the message so I could feel better about it, rather than letting it loom above my head. He deleted it. So i went searching some more. He called whoever it was yesterday while I was at work. He was going to send him a picture, but somehow it didn't go through. But the conversation is missing, and I don't have the password to his account that I think a different conversation may have happened. He hasn't told this person he's engaged. Nor, do I think he will.
I think our relationship is coming to an end. I'm packing up my stuff... we'll see if I actually leave, or if he's willing to get me to stay.
I leaned over his shoulder two nights ago, and saw a text from someone else to him saying "When do i get to wrap myself around my big white tiger?" He took my car today and left me his phone, and i went searching for the message so I could feel better about it, rather than letting it loom above my head. He deleted it. So i went searching some more. He called whoever it was yesterday while I was at work. He was going to send him a picture, but somehow it didn't go through. But the conversation is missing, and I don't have the password to his account that I think a different conversation may have happened. He hasn't told this person he's engaged. Nor, do I think he will.
I think our relationship is coming to an end. I'm packing up my stuff... we'll see if I actually leave, or if he's willing to get me to stay.
Friday, June 11, 2010
First day off and ALONE
Its my first day off that Mr. III is working. We've been having our little problems and its nice to be alone for a bit. It kind of reminds me of when I was living with Mom and excited for a day off of school where she wasn't around, where I could walk around my house in the nude and watch TV. Same feeling, different love. He'll be home in about an hour, but that's okay with me.
The place is a mess, but I don't want to clean. Its his second day of work today, and I'm going onto my third week. I have no sympathy for him, because I work six to eight hours a day while he mostly so far has only worked five hours the last two days. He's drained me of my last penny, my last cigarette, and I'm feeling used, and unloved at the moment. Last Tuesday night, we went to south Austin to spend some time with his family because I was off Wednesday, and then instead of being able to see my family and our friends on Wednesday, he had to go clean his old house out. I was hoping there wasn't much to be done, and we'd be in and out, but no. He had supposed to have been working on it while I was working the past week, and it looked as if he had nothing but a few boxes packed. I was pissed. We spent seven hours of my day off cleaning up the mess. When we got home, it was too late to go see my mom at the very least, and I just wanted him to leave me alone.
This is in our first year of dating, we're on our ninth month. With our moving in together with a lease on hand in a month, I'm not sure if I want to actually commit to all of this. I'm looking for the reasons we fell in love, and while he's still madly in love with me, I'm falling out of love with him. I'm losing the spark. I'm losing it quickly, and I don't know if I can keep the flame going, or if I should just let it die. I'm 19 now, poor, unhappy, and stuck. This isn't a good feeling to have.
At night, he'll want to cuddle and hold my hand, while I just want to go to bed and sleep. Our sex life is once in a blue moon, and with debt and stress piling up, I don't know if I should cut my losses, or if I should just endure it and see if it will last.
I did get a job up north, and I'm sure in the next month if I changed my mind, my Dad wouldn't mind me staying with him. If I did that, I'd pay him rent, buy my own food, and try to just be a person in the room down the hall that just so happens to be his daughter. I can't move back to south Austin right now, my sister is living with my mom, and due to the drama we had when I was a senior in high school, she's put her foot down to have us both under the same roof together. Plus, my job is up here, and I have to think about that.
Truthfully, I'm not sure if a talk would do. I don't think he could convince me that I love him. I look back to the pictures of us together on our first few months of dating, and I ask myself, why did I feel that way? What were the reasons behind my love for him? I hope this is a phase, but I fear it's not. I'm scared to break up with him, but I did have a dream a couple of nights where I threw down my ring, and left.
How, and Can you fix this?
Should I just endure and wait, or should I think about leaving?
The place is a mess, but I don't want to clean. Its his second day of work today, and I'm going onto my third week. I have no sympathy for him, because I work six to eight hours a day while he mostly so far has only worked five hours the last two days. He's drained me of my last penny, my last cigarette, and I'm feeling used, and unloved at the moment. Last Tuesday night, we went to south Austin to spend some time with his family because I was off Wednesday, and then instead of being able to see my family and our friends on Wednesday, he had to go clean his old house out. I was hoping there wasn't much to be done, and we'd be in and out, but no. He had supposed to have been working on it while I was working the past week, and it looked as if he had nothing but a few boxes packed. I was pissed. We spent seven hours of my day off cleaning up the mess. When we got home, it was too late to go see my mom at the very least, and I just wanted him to leave me alone.
This is in our first year of dating, we're on our ninth month. With our moving in together with a lease on hand in a month, I'm not sure if I want to actually commit to all of this. I'm looking for the reasons we fell in love, and while he's still madly in love with me, I'm falling out of love with him. I'm losing the spark. I'm losing it quickly, and I don't know if I can keep the flame going, or if I should just let it die. I'm 19 now, poor, unhappy, and stuck. This isn't a good feeling to have.
At night, he'll want to cuddle and hold my hand, while I just want to go to bed and sleep. Our sex life is once in a blue moon, and with debt and stress piling up, I don't know if I should cut my losses, or if I should just endure it and see if it will last.
I did get a job up north, and I'm sure in the next month if I changed my mind, my Dad wouldn't mind me staying with him. If I did that, I'd pay him rent, buy my own food, and try to just be a person in the room down the hall that just so happens to be his daughter. I can't move back to south Austin right now, my sister is living with my mom, and due to the drama we had when I was a senior in high school, she's put her foot down to have us both under the same roof together. Plus, my job is up here, and I have to think about that.
Truthfully, I'm not sure if a talk would do. I don't think he could convince me that I love him. I look back to the pictures of us together on our first few months of dating, and I ask myself, why did I feel that way? What were the reasons behind my love for him? I hope this is a phase, but I fear it's not. I'm scared to break up with him, but I did have a dream a couple of nights where I threw down my ring, and left.
How, and Can you fix this?
Should I just endure and wait, or should I think about leaving?
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