Relationships are hard...

I've got a kitty sleeping on my lap at the moment, so I've got to type very very carefully so I don't wake him.

I usually don't have him in my room. Lately, He's been getting out a lot and I don't like him to get outside. Its mainly because this area isn't like my old house, where we had a few acres for him to roam and the road wasn't so close. And he's 11, and losing his sight or hearing, we haven't figured it out yet. Because of this, I don't want him to get hurt. I couldn't see life without Shadow. He's my favorite little buddy.

He's helped me through a lot in life, losing Jimi, all the bad relationships, my parent's divorce. He's always been here. The reason I have him with me right now is last night I had a pretty terrible dream. Someone that was close to me (I want to say my brother, but I'm not sure) had killed someone, and had him in my old house's garage. Then, he proceeded to gut my cat while I was there. It wasn't scary, but it was kind of traumatic. So, I'm spending a bit of time with him while I've got it.

I'm kind of having second thoughts about moving up to the college that Mr. Three goes to. The reasoning behind it, is I'm scared if things go sour, what would happen with school? I'm not doing well at my school at the moment, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Its stressful with work and school. I can't do it next semester. I just can't work and do school at the same time. It's impossible for me to find time to study.

I'm scared of falling in love with Mr. Three any more than I have. I mean, he's the only guy who hasn't pursued a sexual relationship with me. I'm worried about it actually, I'm not sure if its respect, or if its something else.

Its hard to explain... Its hard to explain...

I'm just tired of being sexually attracted to him, and not receiving back the same excitement. I just don't know...